This is one of those meals that you really aren’t supposed to talk about, because it’s kind of trashy and shameful, but since I told you that I ate McDonald’s already…
And moreover, I am working on shedding things I don’t need (clothes, unsolicited advice, crappy gifts that were clearly re-gifts), and shame is one of them.
The other day I got completely absorbed in doing something at home, that I didn’t realize it was 2 pm and I hadn’t eaten lunch already. This was completely uncharacteristic of me, as usually all I dream about is food and food and food, and therefore lunch is usually at 11 am, and second lunch is at 1 pm.
When I realized the omission I stumbled over to the kitchen, and with each step a larger wave of hunger washed over me. In a frenzy, I whipped around, looking into the pantry, opening up the fridge, rifling through the pile of bread bags on the counter…then it dawned on me that the best solution to this catastrophe was this: a tuna sandwich on an Everything bagel.
Yes.
I started thinking like a gastronomic chemist: protein to add substance and satisfaction, as well as to slow down the hit on my glycemic index due to the carbo loading bonanza of the bagel…or perhaps I was just thinking like a hungry little squirrel.
I knew I had a bagel, I knew I had a can of tuna. I flung open the fridge and found the floopy miniscule remains of a head of celery. After a quick dice I went back for the mayonnaise and relish (I usually do a giant blob of mayo and slightly smaller blob of relish in my tuna sandwich filling), and was confronted with a shock: no relish! Zounds! My eyes scanned the back row of forgotten condiments…and then I had it: sweet chili sauce. Same texture as relish, sweet like relish, spicy instead of sour…whatever. Hunger was calling like a telemarketer at dinner time. I glugged out some sweet chili love and proceeded to mix it into the tuna. Of course in my haste I had been too generous with the mayo and my sandwich filling was looking a little soupy. So I did what any sane person would do and thawed some frozen green peas in hot tap water and threw that on top. Meanwhile I had been toasting the bagel, and when it was ready (i.e. when the sandwich filling was made) I proceeded to butter the bagel and slap on a few spoonfuls of tuna.
And voila! Satisfaction.
